1. |
Wishful Thoughts
05:43
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the floor fell out from under me.
can't believe i'm not dancing anymore.
count to four, take a breath, count to three,
and feel the soaring sound of your footsteps
approaching me.
take my hand and i’ll try to keep my legs from twitching, my heart from switching beats.
there is a steady pulse that guides us between
the notes that unfold and eyes that hold hazy hearts
and wishful thoughts of all that could be
as i stumble into you, as you catch me.
the room spun round our feet.
fall and falter, trying to maintain my strength.
count to four, take a breath, count to three,
and feel the steady pulse of your breath
guiding me.
take my hand and i’ll try to keep my legs from twitching, my heart from switching beats.
there is a steady pulse, a tension between the space of our bodies
and the strength of my knees. shaky hands,
trying to land on my feet
as i stumble into you, as you catch me.
your lips in their roundness,
your arms in their soundness,
your breath is the pulse that i need.
your touch guides me to believe.
take my hand and i’ll try to keep my legs from twitching, my heart from switching beats.
there is a steady pulse that guides us between
the notes that unfold and eyes that hold hazy hearts
and wishful thoughts of all that could be…
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2. |
A Late Spring
05:01
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you rocked me to sleep with your steady breathing,
cradled in your arms as i was heady dreaming.
then you knocked out my breath with your appeals to reason.
how do i reason this out?
waiting this season out.
will it stay another day, or will i wait myself blank?
what am i to you? woman, mother, lover, or bird?
how many tasks must i perform to prove my worth?
what am i to you? woman, mother, lover, or bird?
i tried talking, i tried asking, i tried words,
but you still get me confused?
you whispered my name through the wind-brushed strings,
surround your floating words, try to ease the sting
of air that brings bitter notes, sour tones, a late spring.
what am i to you? woman, mother, lover, or bird?
how many tasks must i perform to prove my worth?
what am i to you? woman, mother, lover, or bird?
i tried talking, i tried asking, i tried words…
i love everything about you; i love everything you do.
i love all the words that surround you; i love the people around you too.
i love your mother, i love your sister, i love you.
i love everything about you except the way you treat me.
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3. |
The Downpour
04:40
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you expect me to wait for you, or maybe i just do,
i’ve lost track of my footing.
i smell the rain coming; should i take off running?
or will the green be worth the storm?
i’ll stay until i can’t anymore.
lightning in the distance,
counting down the thunder’s footsteps,
i’ll soon be caught in the downpour, but
i’ll stay until i can’t anymore.
and when the rain comes roaring in,
there’ll be no one left to blame.
i should have planned better.
i should have packed a second sweater.
i should have prepared for the wait ’cause
i’ll stay until i can’t anymore.
you expect me to wait for you, or maybe i just do,
i’ve lost track of my truth.
i know i should take shelter, i should run from these storms,
but i’ll stay until i can’t anymore.
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4. |
So You Say...
03:59
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you say come out and play.
i say i’d rather stay inside today.
you think my mind is clay
that you can just mold and shape,
so you say...
you say it's in my head,
so why don't i just change all of it?
you say it's not that bad,
so why don't i just make the best of it?
you say don’t stay away.
i say okay despite my better sense.
i have begun to rot buried in wounded thoughts,
days spent in hiding spots,
i forgot to water the plants and change my socks.
and if it's in my head,
why can’t i just change all of it?
and if it’s not that bad,
why can’t i just make the best of it?
and if you're in my head,
and if you're in my head,
and if you're in my head,
why won’t you just go away?
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5. |
The Ocean Life
03:44
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i’ve been drinking in the evenings and
knocking back the nights.
a little darkness, or is it a little light?
i was hoping on the ocean life to pull through.
turns out i’ll have to say goodbye real soon.
and we’re all running real fast at nothing left to lose,
so you turned your gaze to the moon.
i’ll throw freedom in the wash, and
sip on the morning hues.
red, yellow, golden, true.
purple, green, alarm clock, noon.
highways and byways, still following you
to a gulf stream of goodbyes and empty tunes.
i was hoping on the ocean life to pull through.
turns out i’ll have to say goodbye real soon.
and we’re all running real fast at nothing left to lose,
so you turned your gaze to the moon.
won’t you please let be the moon?
can’t you please let be the moon?
can’t you please let be the moon?
the moon has got loved ones too.
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6. |
My Father's Words
02:04
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drafting, crafting, planning my words.
trying to shape them so they don’t hurt,
and as i’m working, wording, trying to please,
i lose track of the space between
your wants and my needs.
so, i am digging, pulling, curating the strength
to bludgeon your wants in defense of me.
i’m trembling, shaking, frightened, a mess.
but my father, he always said:
snakes are more scared of you than you are of them.
snakes are more scared of you than you are of them.
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7. |
My Mother's Words
05:05
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i know it seems like i'm asking a lot.
can you see past yourself to all of me you forgot?
can you try to remember i have a human heart?
and i'm just doing my best to learn my part?
i know you know i've never been good at saying no.
seated behind you, pull up beside you, try to remind you
that i will rise and fall
from your expectations of she
’cause i will never be
all the things you want from me.
and i will rise and exceed
your expectations of she
’cause i refuse to carry
all the things you put on me:
woman, mother, lover, bird.
my song lingers unheard,
left here repeating my mother's words:
you can never say yes if you can't say no,
you can never say yes if you can't say no,
you can never say yes if you can't say no,
so, my friend, it's time for me to go.
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8. |
Not Staying
03:30
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what is this that you’re saying?
i don’t care i’m not staying
‘cause even when we’re in the same place
our minds are miles away.
we keep trying to bridge the space between
right now and fond memories…
i once thought that we would be
old people in each other’s company.
we’d walk arm in arm and forget the hard parts
of bearing her and raising her and sending her off.
and as we’d watch her walk away
you’d squeeze my hand and say,
“don’t worry, everything is going to be okay.”
but now i don’t believe a word you’re saying
so, i’m sorry, but i’m not staying.
i contorted my body and stretched myself thin
to form a bridge between now and when.
so, as i’m gathering my strength to say goodbye,
please quit saying i should’ve tried.
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moriah bailey (fka sun riah) Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
(mostly) heavy-hearted, (mostly) harp songs.
fka sun riah
aka m. bailey stephenson
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